Like many people, my life as a child was filled with challenges that affected what I thought  about myself and how I related to the world around me. As I grew, fears and woundings from early experience limited my ability to participate in my own life and my relationships suffered. What I know now, that I didn't know then, is that growing is a natural process and that deficits in early experience restrict and distort that process. In my pain and confusion I moved into destructive behaviors as a way of coping with my distress. Most of my young adulthood was characterized by increasingly serious errors in judgment. These mistakes built on each other to a point at which I saw no way back and could discern no way forward; my life itself seemed like a mistake. At this black point those who loved me feared for my life and long term incarceration seemed a real possibility.
I sought help only because I saw no other choice. The decision to enter treatment in 1985  was the beginning of a long road of change and the start of my true education. I caught glimpses of hope and peace for the first time.
After working in residential care for eight years and obtaining my Master's Degree in Counseling from California State University at Northridge I felt a need for change. My life, at that point, was built on a solid foundation of recovery and I wanted to reach out from there and see what I could touch. I had the extraordinary blessing of living as a work/scholar for a year at Esalen. There, surrounded by the intoxicating beauty of Big Sur, I studied Gestalt, bodywork, movement and a  number of other subjects with truly gifted teachers from all over the world.
My time in treatment and working in residential care was a time of building a life, a container, a character that could hold me in the world; my time at Esalen was a glorious explosion of the soul. I realized there how starved I was for, and how terrified I was of, intimacy of all kinds. It was there my heart found form. The beauty of that land, and that time, lives in me.
After Esalen I worked for a year in a locked down inpatient psychiatric unit, a year and a half in a residential treatment program for severely disturbed adolescents, and several years doing case management for a health care company. Since 2002 I have been in private practice.
My dissertation was on the subject of desire; following desire in my early life nearly destroyed me--following desire now is my salvation. Exploring this dichotomy is my area of emphasis. Doing so has required a broad study of research on sexuality, addiction, ecstatic experience, happiness, affect theory, and the Hindu discipline of Tantra.
I completed my Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Meridian University (formerly Institute of Imaginal Studies) in 2009. The Institute approached psychology as it is literally translated; the "logos," word or reason, of the "psyche" or soul. Through a blending of somatic disciplines, attachment theory, Jungian theory, ritual, Freudian theory, and other new and ancient disciplines, I came to privilege embodied knowledge while still recognizing the need for cognitive understanding. I now teach at Meridian and find deep satisfaction in working with others who want to be therapists. The becoming, or transformation, of a teacher or therapist, rippples out to all the clients and students they work with.
The knowledge and insight I found in my education is equalled and probably surpassed by the growth and revelation that has resulted from many years of marriage and the difficult process of divorce. Maintaining vital, loving connection while facing my deepest fears and exposing layers of shame, has been a tremendous challenge. Intimate relationship is the place where the wounds of the past manifest in the present. By fighting toward honesty and integrity I have grown and find myself much closer to true adulthood. Likewise, being a father has humbled me and teaches me daily how much I have yet to learn about being in relationship.
I am deeply grateful for where I find myself today. The distance between where I was and  where I am is both great and well-earned. Walking with others through their process of becoming feels to me like what I am suppose to be doing. It is a great blessing and a huge relief to have a  solid place and a clear purpose in the world.

As I age, I seek to become. It is easier said than done. Becoming who you are, manifesting in the world whole, is not a given. It is the result of dedication, courage, persistence and grace. Profound integrity is required to honor the truth of your being over the demands and pressures of the individuals and culture around you. I feel, at this relatively late stage of life that I am finally growing up: In a sense being born. Fully born. The phrase that captures my process, at this stage of life is “I will be born or die in labor.”

There is no going back.